nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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