it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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