Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
