It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
