At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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