coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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