i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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