Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
