Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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