i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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