There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
