Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
