You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
