i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
