Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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