Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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