My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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