He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
