I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
