I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
