party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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