You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
