wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
