He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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