Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
