Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
