I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
