We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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