i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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