Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
