How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
