Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bang-toberfest begins!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
