it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My balls are so social today.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
