A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
