what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
