Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
