You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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