Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
