come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
