so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
