We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
