Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
