he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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