Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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