My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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