i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
