i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
