i love accidental penises.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
