I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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