i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
