you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
