I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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