Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
