Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
