My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
